nut hugger
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize