Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
