The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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