"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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