Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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