I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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