don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
