Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
