i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
