Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
