living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
