i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize