Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize