she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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