You just made me feel so damn special
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
