we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she peed on how many people?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
