I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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