yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
