Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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