I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
