my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
