Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
