I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize