is wine microwaveable?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
