one two three fourrrrnication!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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