His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
