Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also, beer. Big fan.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
