dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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