my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
