John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
