I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
