why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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