never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
