I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
