my phone needs a breathalizer
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
