is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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