dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize