I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
