We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I checked into jail on foursquare
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
