College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
