I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
