Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
