i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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