Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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