I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
