Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
