Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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