i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
