Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
