Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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