I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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