I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
