We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize