Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
