Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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