Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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