did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize