he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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