Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize