I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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