The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
