Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
