I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
