My cat gives me a boner
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize