Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
